


Don't be Scared

by Monica_Swann



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Badass Clarke, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, Death, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gods, Happy Ending, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Kwin klark, Love/Hate, Multi, Prophecy, Queen Clarke, Sad Clarke, Sad Lexa, War, lexarke - Freeform, wanheda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-12-11 11:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11713167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monica_Swann/pseuds/Monica_Swann
Summary: Clarke has turned her back to Camp Jaha newly called Arkadia, venturing into the woods devastated, broken of the choice she made at Mount Weather to save her people.what will happen in the woods?who will she find or who will find her?will Clarke ever forgive herself for what she has done to the innocents?can Clarke ever go back to her people?will she forgive 'Lexa?'Clarke is tired of fighting a war that is not needed. She is tired of hurting her people, to do what is necessary towards peace.She's sick of hurting the 'grounders'.Will Clarke try to prevent war or let it rise?





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: It's Her**

* * *

 

It has been a month since Clarke selfbanished herself from Arkadia. A month trying to adapt to mother nature. She had no contact with people, but for most of those contacts were out of necessity. At first, she thought she left because she felt guilty but after the first week, she found that she felt no guilt at all.

And in truth, that's why she left.

Deaths of Mount Weather haunt her in her sleep. Everything crushing within her slowly killing her from the inside out, seeing the innocent people on the monitor burning, blistering and the mute screams coming from their gaping mouth. But she did that, she made her choice, now she'll have to live with it, if she can. She still felt devastated about the innocents, like Maya who had done nothing but help those that were captured by Cage and Dr. Tsing.  Clarke knew she wasn't the reason they are dead, Cage was and the brunette. It was his decisions and the brunettes deal, led to the annihilation of a small society. It was his innate monstrosity and her decision to leave safely with her people, that pushed Clarke to make that choice. But she is furious with the brunette that left her for a deal, they could have brought down the Mountain together. She could have prevented killing the innocent, but it's to late now.

Whenever she thought about going back to her people, she felt her anxiety spark up. Not because she felt guilty for leaving them, she didn't. Not because she was afraid of rejection. She was afraid of seeing the faces of her friends her mother, seeing the handful of people she saved inside that cursed mountain. Afraid of seeing the Mountain people dieing over and over again written on their faces. But she is still haunted from them in her sleep killing her slowly.

It was after her.

She did this to me.

If she stayed they wouldn't be dead, I wouldn't be dead inside.

Was she using me?

Was everything a lie?

Lately, I became a morning person, from the nightmares waking me up. Screaming, drenched in my own sweat. I didn't care, I deserve it. But today, I woke up surprisingly late. I got up slowly, stretching my muscles, and started running again further into the forest getting further away from the past not caring how exhausted my body is. I ran stumbling and falling over myself and tree roots sticking out of the ground. I could hear the voices, all the voices. 'you did this', 'their all dead because of you' the stongest of them all was the brunette. She would hear 'your weak', 'i never cared' or 'your useless, you didn't even see that i was using you', 'your pathetic'. And I believed it.

I ran into a full sprint I heard twigs breaking, snapping around me, yet I didn't care. It wasn't until a large flash of white stopped in front of me, knocking me out onto the ground. Groaning in pain, the darkness growing at the sides of my eyes grew making me close my eyes drifting off. The last thing I heard was a death threating roar.

~

_Clarke Pov- 6 year old._

_I follow my dad along the halls of the Ark, he hasn't told me where we were going yet. We walk the halls of the Ark waving our 'hello's', stopping to chat._

_My daddy looked really nervous, so I reached out putting my hand in his giving his big hand a reassuring squeeze._

_He returned the gesture, turning his head and giving me a warm smile. I made eye contact with him, his eyes looked sad. I want to tell him 'it's okay', but I don't know._

_He turned his head back and continued walking._

_My legs were getting sore, eyelids started getting heavy for sleep. I tug on his long sleeved grey shirt. He stops looking down at me, I reach my arms out._

_"I'm tired daddy", I say._

_"Come here my princess", he scoops me up into his large arms, cradling me._

_I feel him starting to walk again, rocking me gently in his arms. I start falling asleep, though I want to see where we're going. But sleep over took me._

_I wake up to crying, I look at my surroundings looking for my dad._  
_He must be doing something, then I heard another cry of pain. So I jumped up from the floor making my way to the sounds of whimpering._

 _I opened the door that had '319' on it, I made my way in taking in the cool drawings. I was interrupted to another sound of a whimper_ , _I_ _turn to the whimpering sounds. I got startled from what I saw. It was a woman she had a glow of black and red around her, with dark red hair. I was in awe of what I was seeing, it was beautiful._

 _I slowly make my way to the crying woman not wanting to scare her. I climb onto the_ _bed_ , _seeing the woman stiffen. I crueld into the blankets with_ _her_ _snuggling into her back protectively._

_"It's okay, I'm here, your okay", I whisper. I was scared if someone hurt her, not knowing clenched something in my chest._

_The woman started to trun to face me, I stayed where i was snuggling up to her. Once she was on her side I snuggled up more to her, my face buried in her chest. The woman gave a light chuckle that made me smile._

_She placed her hand under my chin, making me look up at her. I was in awe of how beautiful she is, her piercing grey eyes staring into my blue ones._

_"Your not scared?", her voice was worried. It sounds soothing to my ears_.

_I answered by shaking my head 'no'._

_This confused the woman, "Why?". A simple word made me want to cry for the woman but i forced them back, so I tell her the truth._

_"What is there to be afraid of? A woman who is broken or hurt? Just because you think your something your not in here." I gently put my fore finger on the side of the womans head "can never over power who you really are in here," now I place my palm above her heart._

_I retract my hand seeing the woman in tears, breaking infront of me. So I go back in snuggling close as she wraps her arms around me holding me tight as we fall to sleep._

_~_

Present

Clarke wakes up noticing straight away she's not in the forest, but instead traped in darkness. She starts panicking looking everywhere, anywhere trying to find something, someone, anything.

"Hello?" She yells desperately, "please, I'm scared."

Clarke collaps, after all her callings, and endless searching tiring her, Clarke curls into myself chanting "please, please, I'm scared, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." she croaked out, voice dry from all her previous yelling.

The voices were attacting Clarke from everywhere echoing in the darkness surrounding her. She sucks in a sharp breath trying hard not to sob. But she broke out sobbing anyway. Her heart is clenching remembering the emotionless commander walking away from her, like a waste of space playing over and over.

Clarke felt a hand on her shoulder startling her out of her thoughts, yet didn't pull away. Clarke just let out all my emotions she's been holding for to long. "It's okay, I'm here, your okay." The owner of the hand said. Clarke feels the person sitting down behind her. The stranger wrapping her arms around her holding tight. This person was some what familiar to Clarke, the soothing voice, that sentence, is it the women? Clarke thought it was just a dream. Wasn't it?.

Clarke starts to lay on the ground, the other woman still held her peacefully as Clarke's crying and sobbing subside.

Clarke turns around in her arms, snuggling closer to her. Buiring her face into her chest, the woman gave out a light chuckle. The sound bringing a smile to Clarke's face.

'It's her'.


	2. Released

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I have so many ideas but even I don't know how all of this is going to end.  
> Share ideas.  
> Tell me how to make my writing better.  
> I guess I'm gonna be ridding along with you all throughout it too.

Clarke wakes up to soothing fingers kneading her hair. She hums in approval, lifting her head up slightly to find the other women smiling down at her motherly. Clarke couldn't help but return the smile, Clarke felt safe, peaceful and home with how the womans arms enclosed her. Clarke buries her face back into the womans chest sighing. She clings on the other womans shirt praying quitely, hoping she won't disappear at some point as the woman continues to knead her hair.

"Thank you" Clarke says bearly above a whisper. She knew the other woman heard by replying with a kiss on the crown of Clarke's head. "Please don't leave me too", she says with unleashed tears. She wasn't going to let them fall this time.

"Never, I was always with you and always have been. Don't you remember those dreams after you helped me fine my real path, little one". A cheeky grin on her face as Clarke gives her a playful stare.

"Yes Wanheda", Clarke drawls sticking her tounge out. But Clarke ended up seeing a sad smile on her face from the name. Clarke cupped her cheek "you still remember what I told you, right". Wanheda only looked down at Clarke sadly. "What's wrong?".

"I'm not Wanheda anymore I'm just normal Grace but with more power than a human", Grace grabs Clarke's hand from her face softly,  not letting her eyes waver from the blondes.

"Why?" Clarke says confused.

"Clarke tell me where the light is coming from for you to see me, tell me what colour they are". Grace says, looking at Clarke to make her understand who she was from the beginning just waiting for her to release. What she was born to be.

To Graces surprise, Clarke just looked at herself tiredly. Full of sorrow and longing, as if Clarke wasn't surprised to see what she is.

"Okay" Clarke already knew what she was but didnt want to believe it, so it didn't really bother her anymore. Clarke was just tired of hiding who she was and what she's become. "Around my body I'm covered in a glow of blue designs" she looks behind her scince feeling more weight adding onto her back. Clarke lets a smile at what she is seeing."I have golden wings that I guess are really bigger than my body? ",  Graces jaw dropped, mouth hanging loose at the sight before her.

Clarke covers her face with her hands trying and failing bad to contain her laughter when she saw Graces face. Clarke finally gives into her laughter leaning backwards clutching her stomach laughing hysterically at Grace.

Grace punched Clarkes sholder playfully, groaning in embarrassment. After what seemed like forever for Grace, Clarke's laughing slowly died out whipping her tears of joy, only now looking at Grace with a serious expression.

"What does this mean?", Clarke ask, wanting to know why and what it'll mean to be Wanheda other then killing everyone. Grace knew questions were going to be asked. Though they had to wait, to see and for Grace to watch her her movements carefully. If what the gods say is true. She'll have to be careful of Clarke's movements and actions.

~

_Grace Pov: The meeting with the Gods._

_Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Athena, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Dionysus. And Hades. Sat in their throwns along the room._

_I knel before them waiting on my spot respectfully for premission to raise. Zeus, god of the sky and thunder was the one to grant me premission. I bow slightly once more showing my respect._

_"What of my daughter, girl". Hades says, standing from his thrown and taking two strides, towering over me making me have to tilt my head back to look him in the eye as I spoke._

_"Clarke is running away from her problems. Dreaming about all the people she has killed in a short amount of time since landing. She thrashses and screams in her sleep. Clarke is taking her body over the limits Hades", I speak calmly not allowing myself to show fear._

_"Has she found out she's Wanheda? Has she found out she's my daughter?"_

_The other gods know to never interrupt a god even if you were a god yourself so they are waiting for us to finish our conversation._

_"No, she does not know about either" I continue to show my respect no matter if he was getting on my nerves. Clarke was good with handling things but isn't In the right state of mind right now. Still, Hades the god of the underworld. Which I respect all godes no matter how much of an asshole he is, I will keep my place._

_Hades walks back to his thrown sitting down._

_"We have bigger problems then that" Zues speaks firmly grabbing everyones attention. "Clarke is dangerous to everyone, including us gods. I fear we are all in great danger", Zues last words sent a shiver down everyones spine_ _and_ _I could see them getting uncomfortable in their seats._

_It was surprising how afraid the Gods were of a young girl, who is so soft hearted and incredibly stubborn girl. That wears her heart on her sleeves yet to frighten the greatest of gods-_

_I got starled out my thoughts, spinning quickly on my heel nearly falling over myself in the process. By the two large doors slamming open, my eyes go wide feeling two large hands grasp my shoulders. I look up and gasp 'The god of Love and Compassion'._

_"You must tell Clarke of who she is Grace. You must, she remembers you as a sister to her. And I am quite sure you see her as a sister too. But do not, tell her about being Hades daughter am I understood" I nod hurriedly as she was speaking far to quickly, I hardly managed to garb all of what she said. "Do it however you must"._

_"Wait" Zues calls out quite angrily 'please don't kill me' I thought. "What is the meaning of this?"_

_"My apologies for not wanting everyong to die" The God of love bit out, 'oh man, why me'."Clarkes emotions are blocking out her judgement. All those emotions building up is far more worse then sitting around and doing nothing. She needs love and support, everyone she cares about is going down the drain. That stupid commander of head to far stuck up their asses obviously didn't help. Ugh. If she loses to her jugement to seeing that 'peace is still possible' we all die. If she surpasses there will still be hope within her. Keeping us alive". She looks back down at me "look kid she thinks that your really Wanheda by the looks of it, just tell her that it passed down to her. She helped you, so help her. She deserves more love then anyone right know. Oh. And bring Fuzball with you. Tell Clarke I gifted him to her will you". I slowly nod._

_She clicks her tonge once._

_"T-Thats F-F-Fuzball", I stutter. It was a pure white lion pauna 12 feet long_  
_6 feet wide and 9 feet tall all muscle and no fat. The only fuzzy thing was his large fluffy mane. His eyes piercing blue, like his new owner._

 _'Please don't eat me, I have had enough of feeling like someone is about to kill me today', I pray._ _He huffs as if knowing what I was thinking 'damn you' I mentally growl at the beast to be only growled back at 'lests hope I don't have to kill him, or me being killed first'._

_~_

Present

**"What does this mean?"**

"We will have to find out and see",  Grace doesn't know if she would be able to fight the the girl if things went down hill. Not because she will definitely lose its because she doesn't want to be apart of it if having to come to hurting Clarke. 

"So what now?", Clarke ask quietly, she herself of the out come. 

"For now we rest, and we will start training as soon as you wake. I will teach you all the languages of the clans until you speak it fluidly as you speak each and every language. Then I'll train you to be the best warrior of the clans joined together only then we can leave the dark pitch" Grace gives Clarke a grin and a qurk of a brow, "plus 'The God of Love' got you a really big surprise waiting" she chuckles devilishly. Because she knows Clarke will be eager to find out what it is. That will help with quickening the training 'smart thinking Grace' she praises herself.

"Can you pleeeeease tell me" Clarke whines.

"Nope", Grace says popping the 'p'.


	3. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is kinda boring.

It was a strange bond between the two have formed, but it was very real nonetheless.

A bond between the princess and the scavenger, between one born to thrive for life and peace and one who had never had much of anything at all other then lent power to help in the human world. But the connection had formed because they were both strong, and they both knew what love and loss felt like, and they had the faith to fight for what they believed in. Which was scary for Grace to grasp on for Clarke she loved her like her own child, because Clarke puts her life at risk no matter at what cost.

Their connection was a bond of sister hood. Which was worrying Grace.

It had begun slowly, the trust of Clarke building quickly over the first time they met in her dreams towards Grace, Clarke who was so stubborn and yet so gentle and patient. The woman was like a shadow to Clarke at first, Grace watching her and learning from her by observing over time, later finding the inner resources to ask the little girl questions in Clarkes dreams. Reaching out verbally was far more easier than physical acts of courage scince Grace could not enter the Ark, Clarke who had known very little by way of hate in her life had only known love from her parents especially Jake, that was dangerous. Clarke was hardly cold, rejecting or even frustrated with the points she had to point out properly for everyone. Rather, she seemed almost happy to have an open mind to guide and mentor – people who were confused or feeling lost helping them see reason which was shocking for Grace because Clarke was only a young child that had a wise soul that helped Grace on one of her darkest days and even confused people on the Ark of how old Clarke really was. Yet what surprised Grace was that how could a God of the underworld create such a loving creature.

"Clarke", Grace says.

"Hm?"

"Try and hind your wings and stop the glow on your body, now" Grace says firmly wanting no question asked, but already seeing thats not possible with Clarke. She talks as Clarke starts to open her mouth "If the darkness covers us the more you listen, if the light covers us the more you focus on whats in front of you, do you understand?". Clarke nods seeing reason.

Clarke relaxs her body imaging the weight weighing in her chest and hiding within her own shadow, she looks at her arms seeing her light fade. The glow was now gone covering herself and Grace in the dark unable to see one another.

"Well done", Grace praises.

They started with the different languages starting with Trikru (Forest People), it took Clarke to find it quite easier then it should be. She didn't know if was just her or from the new abilitys she had.

Grace followed through with teaching Clarke Azgeda (Nation Ice), Grace was getting quite annoyed because Clarke didn't want to learn their so called demand language.

"Look Clarke you either learn it or your not getting back, okay" she only earned a huff from the other girl "Clarke, your acting like a child".

" _Fine, I'm only doing it because the only evil there is the Queen_ " Clarke replys in Trikru, 'I'll replace that witch' Clarke thought to herself " _plus teacher your not supposed to speak gonasleng_ ", earning an eye roll from her teacher making Clarke giggle.

Soon the language learning started to flow, followed easily with Floukru (Boat People), Sankru (Desert People), Yujleda (Clan of Foliage), Ouskejon Kru (Blue Cliff), Delfikru (Delphi), Trishana Kru (Bright Forest), Podakru (Lake People), Ingranrona Kru (Riders of the Plains), Boudalan Kru (People of the Rocks), Louwoda Kliron (Shallow Valley). Clarke moved through learning them easily, making Grace even more proud then she already was if it was possible. As they finished learning the languages they moved onto fighting hand to hand combat.

Grace was able to teach Clarke some very useful techniques in fighting in hand to hand combat, And Clarke was able to show Grace how quick she was keen on getting out of the dark pitch. Clarke learnt to listen to where her opponent was and feeling the different changes of air, signaling exactly how the enemy was positioned in the dark without having to see with her eyes open even if there was light in this darkness Clarke knew it would be to easy to take her opponent down.

Grace insisted on helping more, but her way of helping was beating the shit out of Clarke to get ahold of the level of pain, forcing the blonde to move quicker and more swiftly with so much hectic activity, allowed it.

"You learn quick for a pup,” Grace says, her smirk placed on her face even though Clarke couldn't see her and still earning a growl from Clarke.

"I can hear that smirk on your face" Clarke whined "and I'm not a pup" she says opening her eyes and letting her body glow once more, bring her wings out to their full length growling and puffing her chest out.

"Come on pup your not tricking anyone with that act" Grace chuckles as Clarke continues to growl which was more like a whine than anything else. "Are you ready to go back and see what the surprise is?"

"Yes, omgosh what is it"

"Not telling, but I do have a question" Grace ask, earning a nod from Clarke to continue, she takes a deep breath in and lets it out "Gaurd or disgaurd? Love or hate? Forgive or forget? Kill or be killed?" Grace eyes her carefully only seeing the girls unshed tears and the blue on the girls body growing more.

"I don't know"


	4. Surprise!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my chapters are so late.  
> Just having problems.

Clarke POV.

"Clarke,".

"Clarke, get up".

"NOW", Graces growls at me. 

My eyes shoot open, sitting up quickly in case of danger, yet only to knock my head against hers.

"Ow, what the hell", she groans, I smirk at her as I jump to my feet "why didn't it hurt you? Actually, that was a really dumb question".

I help her off the ground, and I could see a large lump beginning to grow on the side of her head. Seeing my sister hurt because of me made my stomach clench,  though she must have seen my face grimced as I flinched away from her. "Hey, its okay". I only give a whisper of 'okay' not looking into her eyes 'I can't believe I just got back yet to hurt her', I whimper at the thought. "Your not a monster, Clarke".

"How do you know?", I growl, I just couldn't help to feel that I was a danger to everyone I cared about. But then again I always was.

"Because, only you can decide who you want to be, who you want to become" she says wrapping her arms around me, I sink into her hold comferted "you wanna know who told me that?" She whispers holding me tighter "You".

That was all I needed to be reassured that everything will be okay. Wouldn't it be? I hope so, I don't want to be left alone, I don't want to be hurt anymore. But I know it'll be a miricle if it didn't hurt anymore, yet I can't help but to think Grace and Indra are my only family left.

"Are you ready for your surprise?", she says softly as she pulls away, I make a face to say 'duh' with a hand on my hip.

She clicks her tongue, minutes pass and I was starting to believe there was nothing until I felt big puffs of breaths on my neck, so when I turned around, I felt the largest smile I ever had spread across my face. I look into the beast eyes and I see my dad looking back down at me. I launch myself at the lion ignoring the sharp intake of breath that the lion and Grace made, swinging myself onto his back snuggling into his fuzzy mane.

"Are you crazy, Clarke. What the hell are you doing? Look you even scared Fuzzball, you gave me a heart attack. Dammit Clarke, really, just really",  Grace rambled, I could tell she she worried, but I couldn't really listen as the past comes into my mind of my dad.

~

_10 Year old Clarke._

_I walk into my parents room knowing dad was the only one home after school, while mom was still doing her daily job at the clinic. There wasn't many people that came by the clinic because they were in space, nothing could hurt anyone. Only each other. The only people that came by were mechanics and engineers with burns or cuts that needed to be fixed up._

_As Clarke entered her parents room.. well metal box with a desk that her dad is occupied with some papers hes sorting out and a double bed across from it._

_"Hey princess.. whats wrong?", Jake says, seeing that his daughter is a little jittery._

_"Dad I need to talk to you", Clarke shudders hoping her dad will understand who she is as a person._

_"Sure, princess", Jake says, moving  from his desk grasping his daughters shoulders._

_Clarke has figured out who she was just a few weeks ago scince sorting out her emotions and figuring out what was going on with her mind. But when figuring it all out, she didnt want to know. She'd aways think that her parents would throw her to the side and forget about her. So today is the day to get it out, no matter what she thought what was going to happen she needed to do this for herself. She doesn't want to lie anymore about it._

_"I like girls dad, I'm bisexual"._

_"Oh my god Clarke I thought you were in trouble, dont scare me like that", Jake Chuckles._

_"You don't hate me?"._

_"_ _Why would I hate_ _you because of that. I just have to say, good choice. Women are beautiful, but territorial and definitely better than men in-"._

_"Please don't finish that sentence", Clarke says, hugging her dad tightly and him returning it just as much giggling._

_"What made you figure this out anyway?" Jake asked pulling out of the embrace._

_"Erm I.. umh.. I"._

_"Yes, carrie on", Jake smirks raising an eyebrow while crossing his arms on his chest._

_"IlikemyteacherMissLaurenshesreallyniceandsweetcutesmartfunnyandididntlikeseeingherwithMissCamilaandyeaaa..."._

_"Can you say it a little slower, please"._

_"I like my teacher Miss Lauren shes really nice and sweet, cute, and shes sooo smart and funny and I didn't like seeing her with Miss Camila", Clarke grumbles while her dad starts bursting with laughter._

_~_

Present.

Grace wasn't just scared of Clarke getting comfortable with the beast, she was scared of Clarke hoping for him to be her dad.

But only if Grace knew she already did.

After what felt like an eternity, Clarke sat back from the fuzzy mane looking at her surroundings. Taking in the large trees around them hardly letting the high sun through because of the thick leaves and branches but just enough to see a few miles.

"Clarke" Graces says softly, grabbing the blondes attention "we have to stretch your mucles, the dark pitch.. well.. its hard to explain but your muscles will be stiff and.. um.. just get off of that damn thing".

Clarke groans letting her body slide off the beast, her solid body having no affect as her feet hit the ground. Fuzzball turns his head licking her face happily, while covering her face in slimey dirrible and earning a soft head shove with a 'yuck' from Clarke.

"Ew.. okay, gross Clarke, you are definitely getting thrown in a river, because not only that you smell dead, you are covered in salivar", Clarke gives her a sarcastic 'thanks' while she tries to wipe her face clean.

Grace gets to stretching her legs motioning Clarke to do the same. As the stretchs continue, Grace looks over toward Clarke getting lost in her thoughts. _Why did it have to be her? All this shit put on her_ _shoulders and she doesn't even know it. Why won't the stupid gods come down and help her. Listen to her. Hades needs to be here. To tell her the truth about everything, especially me. I now its still confusing for her and she will find out eventually, that me being wanheda, is nothing but false and lies._ _All I want to do is help her. I want to tell her. But Ill keep my words to the gods._


	5. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter.

**Dear Readers.**

I am terribly sorry for not keeping up with my crap, like seriously Im not connected to wifi at home. Ugh. 

Im still doing offline writing for my stories, but shit, I have to go the damn library to upload. Just because I love everyone who actually reads and waits for my next chapter's. 

I'll do it, for you.


	6. Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my crap being slow.

Lexa.

She is currently sitting on her throne, in the war tent. That was set up in the middle of camp for the people to rest.

The sun began to rise for the next day after the deal _she made_ at the mountain. Although she wasn’t paying attention to that, to lost in her thoughts about a certain blonde that she had left.

 _I made the right choice, didn't I?_ Yes. _Will she understand?_ No, to stubborn or _Yes because she is a leader too so she must understand_. She couldn't help seeing those piercing blue eyes gloss with unshed tears, once the deal was revealed. All the emothions flying throuh the blue eyed beauty's eyes, their was betrayal, hurt, defeated, determination, and _heartbroken_.

Lexa puts her mask of indifference from hearing a knock on the tent flaps followed by a 'Heda, may I?'. And started whipping harshly at her eyes, ridding tears away from her face that had fallen freely. After pulling herself together she allows Indra, her personal gaurd enter.

"Why did you take that deal, Heda?", Indra croaked out, obviously not the only one affected by her Hedas choice.

Lexa was quite shocked seeing how emotional her personal gaurd was being, honestly she thought Indra would be jumping for joy. _How the hell does a little blonde, manage to break the strongest warriors?_ She mentally kicks herself, _who wouldn't fall for Clarke._

"I made this deal with my head not my heart", it was so simple for her to say but so hard to hear.

"But Heda-".

"Why is it so important? What would you do? I sacrificed the least to save the most, would you rather have more of our people killed going to war to save those who offer nothing?", Lexa didn't know what was going on with her general, first she was ready to kill Skaikru, now she wants to save them?

"Why are you being _weak_? You are not making sense general Indra. What is so more important for you to go against me", Lexa certainly didn't know what was going on and she definitely didn't think about Indras reply would be this shocking.

"I want my daughter back".

"What daughter? You do not have a daughter. If so she would be a new born. Why would she be in Skaikru, then?".

"She is Skaikru".

"What? Who?".

" _Clarke_ ".

Heda went deadly still in her throne spacing out. _But Clarke, how?_ 'I want my daughter back', ringed throughout the commanders head. _That cannot be can it? Why have I been so blind-_

Her thoughts were rudely interrupted when her scout she sent to spy on the Mountain, came tumbling through the tent flap and bowed over with his hands on his knees breathing heavily.

"H..Heda, _skai_ _leader_.. Mountain.. tunnels.. ins-", he hardly finished when his Heda and general snapped.

"Spit it out".

" _The Skai leader entered the Mountains tunnels, we could not enter because we would be seen by them. I'm sorry._ "

" _She could die you fool, who gives a damn if the Mountain spot you_ " Indra speaks while her leader is obviously still in shock and distraught " _and you_ " Indra spits, turning to face her leader " _we all knew how stubborn and stupid Clarke was, I swear you thought she would just give up and walk the other direction, didn't you Heda. My daughter is going to think I have betrayed her also._ "

" _I love her_ " Lexa growls, she is beyond tears but she doesn't care if they see " _she is everything to me, even if she doesn't know how much I care, even if she hates me I will love her, even if she will never forgive me I will love her and only her. You may see me as heartless or uncaring but I'm Alexandria, Lexa I'm not just Heartless Heda. Im Lexa too. Clarke she told me 'life should be more than just surviving'. She showed me that I am every bit of human too._ "

Indra looks unmoved while her scout is crying along with her.

"I already knew Lexa" it was honesty, soft yet firm as Indra spoke, taking a few steps towards Lexa but giving space "I apologize, but I am not in the right of mind because her own mother disowned her after what happened at Tondc. I was their. I know what happened Commander. Clarke faults everything bad that happens upon herself, actually she is stubborn about everything" she herself chuckles along with Lexa and the scout. "I'm sure she'll be okay, she'll be to stubborn to die on us even if she tried".

After their conversation lasted until midday Lexa sent her scout out again and Indra left her tent leaving Lexa to actually breath and stretch her muscles from sitting to long. She wants to thank Clarke for helping her, to tell her how she feels, to say sorry, to love her, care for her but her heart clenches thinking she may not be able to, if Clarke were to die in that cursed Mountain.

Lexa exits her tent wanting to wander throughout the camp but not to have praises from the people who were stuck in cages and drained of their blood then thrown away like garbage, she didn't want the thank yous because it didnt seem right. All of them bowing or crying at her feet. She felt like no hero, no leader, she felt like a nobody or just in the wrong body.

Her troubles were put to an end though as her scout comes back late midday.

"Heda".

"Anything heard?" Lexa asks.

" _Sha Skaikru left the Mountain"._

" _How_ _?_ ".

" _Skai Heda was leading them out, but the Moutains door was still open. I went in after I.. I"_ he closed his eyes still frighten of what he witnessed, " _the Moutain men were dead the.. the men, woman, and ch..chil..children looked as if they were bured alive and the skai leaders people were thanking her for saving them but"._ He opened his eyes looking into his Hedas " _when they got to there camp Clarke did not enter. She left."_

Lexa looked at him with disbelief, _Clarke entered the Mountain, but she wouldn't of killed innocents, right? No she wouldn't, that was the plan, she left her people? It was my fault._

" _I do not believe that. Tomorrow, myself, Indra and twenty_ _warriors will be entering the Mountain. And if your wrong"_ she said hovering over him, making him cower back, then she slowly continued " _your dead_ ".  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

To be honest, I feel like shit.  
Im constantly been thrown around, hospital to hospital.  
I have most chapters written, but I don't have them in the right order.  
Sorry.  
Spoiler alert, Grace and Clarke have a big responsibility with a certain bump in the road. But that certain bump, will change alot.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi I am not going to be writing this anymore can someone please carry it on though.   
My other fanfic is being published on Wattpad by a friend.  
Her user is 1Baby_Girl1  
The name of the fanfic is called It Always Hurts.


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